Chapter 9: Dumbo and Braceface

Chapter 9

BPOV

“Fudge, that’s good.” I moaned, as I took a sip of Edward’s mango and strawberry smoothie. We were both on our way to meet Charlotte Taylor, the wife and realtor of Riley Taylor; one of Edward’s high profile clients. He gave me a confused look.

“Fudge?” he questioned.

“Yeah, fudge. Instead of saying the f-word, I say fudge instead. I don’t want our babies hearing that kind of language. It’s inappropriate.” I reasoned. He rolled his eyes at me.

“You do realize you’re talking to the king of swear words, right?” Edward grinned. I nodded my head in amusement. It was true; Edward definitely cursed like a sailor and was lucky if he managed to make it through the day with only a few curses falling from his mouth.

“I know. I just don’t want our kids to grow up cursing.” I sighed. I felt him grab one of my hands and press it to his lips.

“I know love. I’ll be more careful with what comes out my mouth. “He answered and I burst out laughing.

“You do realize how dirty that sounds right?” I chuckled; he threw me an amused grin before looking back at the road.

“Well, look who’s being inappropriate now. You have a one track mind Mrs. Cullen.” Edward smiled, giving me a cocky wink and smirk.

“Ha, ha. Eyes on the road, fudger.”

…………

“And this house has four bedrooms and…..” Charlotte continued, as I looked around. This was the tenth house we’d seen today and nothing seemed to even remotely attract Edward and mine’s attention. I let out a sigh. This seemed to be hopeless. It was already nearing two ‘o clock and I was already beginning to feel the day’s exhaustion wear over me. I looked over at Edward to see that he looked just as bored as I did.

 I looked back over at Charlotte. She was oblivious to our ignorance and continued her ramble, while we trailed mindlessly behind her. She was pretty I guess. Dark blue eyes and raven colored hair. She must have been two or three years older than me, but carried herself as if she was much older. Charlotte seemed nice, but every time I looked at her, I felt like something was off about her. Edward must have felt the same way because the next thing I knew, he was leaning down to whisper in my ear.

“Why is she walking like that?” he asked. I looked at him curiously.

“What are you talking about?” I questioned, thinking my husband had finally lost his mind.

“Look at the way she’s walking.” He whispered loudly into my ear. Luckily Charlotte didn’t hear him. I looked over to see what he was talking about and nearly choked on my spit.

Charlotte’s walk for the matter was something I could only imagine seeing on television. She was sort of waddling; a hop I think; her legs shifting from side to side, almost like she was uncomfortable. I quirked an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t know, but she looks like she’s in pain.” I answered, looking back over at her.

“No, it looks like she got something stuck up her ass.” Edward whispered loudly. I smacked him hard on the chest. Not only for cursing, but for also alerting her to our little conversation.

“Excuse me?” she asked, her blue eyes looking at us curiously. Edward looked a little flabbergasted, so I quickly spoke up.

“Uh…nothing. We were just going to ask if we could look around a bit.” I lied. She seemed to accept it and gave me a small smile.

“Okay, I’ll give you a few minutes.” She said, as I pulled Edward towards the kitchen. Once we were inside I hit him on the arm. He winced.

“Ouch woman, that hurts.” He whispered.

“What was that?” I questioned. Edward looked at me with amused green eyes.

“I just call it like I see it. You saw the way she was walking, no one walks like that.” He grumbled. I hit him again.

“Stop hitting me. Christ that hurts.” Edward winced, rubbing his arm.

“What if she just walks like that? You shouldn’t even be watching her walk like that anyway.” I huffed, sending him the stink eye. There I go again with the mood swings. Edward just grabbed my hands and pulled me towards him. I guess he as used to it by now.

“Relax love. The only woman I would ever watch that way is you. ” He cooed. My stomach let out a small thump.

“See, the babies agree with daddy, don’t you?” he grinned, leaning down to my stomach, where a new round of thumps broke out. It was odd to think I had something moving inside of me, let alone mistakenly thinking it was gas. I let out a small smile.

“Ah, that’s my girl. You want to get out of here?” he asked, and I nodded my head.

“Yeah. I’m tired, hungry, and a little bit gassy.” I answered. “Besides, this seems a little hopeless. None of these houses feel right.” I sighed.

“Me too, well at least not the gassy part.” I smacked his chest. “You’re right; none of these houses appeal to me. Maybe we should call it a day; go out another time?” I nodded my head. Pulling me behind him, we exited out of the kitchen and back into the living room only to catch Charlotte in the midst of digging for gold.

Yeah you know exactly what I mean. She was muttering to herself and I was faintly able to catch the end of “No more thongs for me.” when Edward cleared his throat.

She abruptly turned around, nearly stumbling in her heels. If she could blush her face would be beet red considering the position she was just caught in.

“Uh, we’re going to call it a day. Thank you so much, but I think we may do a bit of looking on our own. If not, we’ll be sure to call you.” Edward grinned. Charlotte let out an embarrassed laugh.

“Sure thing Mr. Cullen, it was a pleasure.” She replied reaching out her hand. The exact hand that was just caught down the back of her skirt. Edward looked at it mortified. Quickly seeking a distraction, I grabbed his hand and placed it on my belly.

“Ooh, the babies are getting restless. I think it’s time to go.” I grinned, hoping it didn’t appear as a grimace.

“Yeah, thank you Charlotte. We’ll keep in touch.” Edward answered, as we both headed for the door. Once we were in the vicinity of the car, we both broke out into hilarious fits of laughter.

“God, did you see her face. She was mortified. Then she had the nerve to want to shake my hand. Can you believe it?” Edward cackled. “Thanks baby, for getting us out of there.” Edward smiled, starting the ignition.

“Thank you, but I wasn’t lying. I meant what I said. The babies are getting restless, because their mommy is hungry, tired, and gassy.” I answered tiredly. “Can we get something to eat? I asked.

“Anything for you love.”

……………………

“What the hell, Bella!” Edward screeched in the shower as I barged in. He reflexively tried to cover himself. I rolled my eyes.

“Uh, sweetie? It’s not like I haven’t seen it before. Pregnant remember?” I laughed pointing to my stomach. “And don’t forget the remnants of my shirt and underwear all over the bedroom Mr. Cullen.” I grinned, as I headed for the toilet. I really had to pee. Finishing my business, I washed my hands and grudgingly pulled myself up onto the counter.

“So how do you feel about a little bit of baby shopping tomorrow?” I asked, kicking my feet back and forth.

“You want to go shopping? I thought you hated it.” Edward said giving me a nice view of his wet behind.

“Well…not for me per se, but I would for the babies. Which by the way, I have a doctor’s appointment on Thursday.” I told him. He nodded his head, as he washed the tangled reddish brown curls from his face.

“Okay, I’ll mental note that. What time?” Edward asked turning off the shower. He then proceeded to grab a towel off one the shower rails and exited; wrapping the towel around his waist.

“The appointment’s for ten thirty, but you know how that goes. Its either really early or too long. The only reason I brought it up, was because Dr. Biers told me we could check and see if we can determine the sex of the babies.” I said. My eyes widened as Edward approached me. He gently wrapped his arms around me. His skin was still slightly damp, but the soft warmth and scent of his skin was enough for me to let out a soft whimper of content.

“And how do you feel about that?” I asked.

“How do you feel?” He asked back. I swatted his arm.

“I don’t know. That’s why I asked you first.”

“Well, I mean I’m open to whatever you want. It would make shopping and setting up the nurseries easier, but then again I’m up for surprises.” He answered.

“That’s how I feel too. I guess we’ll just see when the time comes.” I replied. He wrinkled his nose at me.

“God, I hope our kids inherit that.” I laughed kissing his nose.  I hopped off the counter and headed back to our bedroom.

“What, my weird little face quirks?” Edward groaned, as he went to go grab a pair of boxers.

“I happen to love your little quirks, especially when you wrinkle your nose like that. It makes you look cute.” I smiled lying on the bed beside my pregnancy pillow.

“Baby, I’m not cute. I’m rugged.” Edward smirked, flexing his arms cockily, revealing the tender muscles of his arms. I let out a loud snort, and then blushed embarrassedly. Married or not, I hated to blush in front of people. It revealed all of my emotions and I hated showing that kind of vulnerability to people. I closed my eyes.

“And that is what I hope our kids inherit.” I heard Edward say softly beside me. I felt him trail a finger down my cheek and felt my traitorous blush attack my face once more.

“I don’t. It’s nerve wrenching.” I groaned, covering my face with my arm.

“No it isn’t. Its endearing.” Edward said. I opened my eyes to see him looking down intently at me; his glasses perched on his face, his green eyes twinkling. I felt my face break out into a small smile.

“That’s my girl and you know what else I want them to get?” He asked. I tried to think of what he would say; eyes, lips, nose, hair color, skin?

“No, I give up. What?” I asked.

“Your ears.” He answered.

“My ears?”  I mumbled self-consciously. Every woman had the one body part they were self-conscious of and mine were my ears.

Blame my mom, but hers weren’t really noticeable. Mine on the other hand stood out.  I usually tried to hide them behind my hair so no one would really notice, but when I started grade school I was constantly teased about it.

 It also didn’t help that Liam used to call me Dumbo when we were kids. This usually resulted with me in tears and a very sad twelve year old Liam who wasn’t able to watch his cartoons on Saturday.

 I was sort of immune to it now, but occasionally Liam would bring it out, and get the guys to go along with it. That made me extremely mad and when I’m mad that equals a mad Edward who definitely didn’t get any for the next two weeks.

“Uh why?” I huffed. I let out a soft whimper as I felt his warm breath touch my neck. He whispered into my ear.

“Because I love you and it’s a part of you so I love it as well. Not only that, but at least I know if I need help, I know you’ll be listening.” He said, and I looked at him with wide eyes. He burst out laughing.

“Sorry, love.” he grinned. I pouted at him un-amused. He kissed my lips.

“Well if it helps, I hope they don’t inherit my teeth.” Edward grunted beside me, while I snugged against his chest. I looked at his mouth.

“But your teeth are straight, baby.” I replied.

“Now they are, after four years of braces.” He rolled his eyes.

“And yet you still have that crooked smile, Braceface.” I yawned, exhaustion suddenly overwhelming me. I heard him let out a soft chuckle.

“Ha ha.Go to sleep love. We’ll talk about this some more in the morning.” Edward replied taking off his glasses and the light, before pulling the covers over us. The air conditioner was on low and a soft breeze blew throughout the room, making me shiver. Edward wrapped his arms around me.

“I love you Braceface.” I mumbled sleepily.

“Love you too, Dumbo.”

………………..

“Babies R Us? Really Bella?” Edward asked, as we pulled into the store parking lot.

“Uh yeah, where else would we go? It’s not like Seattle has baby stores piled everywhere.” I answered as Edward helped me out of the car. I was just approaching 22 weeks, but I was huge. I couldn’t even get dressed anymore without Edward’s help. He watched me like a hawk and I couldn’t do anything without him there.

Three days ago, I had decided to take a nice soothing warm bath while he was away at work, but didn’t realize that once I got in, I couldn’t get out. I tried everything, but it was like I was suctioned into the tub. That’s where Edward had found me thirty minutes later, where I had drained out the cool water and covered myself with a towel. I even had a book to keep me occupied.  Ever since then, I couldn’t do anything without some sort of assistance.

I was dressed comfortably in a pair of maternity jeans alongside a blue tank, paired with a grey cardigan over it.   I had opted for my favorite pair of converse much to Alice’s dismay. She of course found out our plans. How she found out, I would never know, but she definitely voiced her concerns, when she promptly decided to pop up at our home this morning with a furious expression on her face.

Earlier that morning….

“You’re going shopping without me!” She screeched, storming through the front door.

“Why did we give her a key again?” Edward mumbled, from his bowl of cereal. I ignored him and turned back to my disgruntled best friend.

“Al, we want to get some stuff for the babies. Is that such a crime?” I asked, taking my own bite of cereal.

“It is when I can’t come. How could you do this to me?” she pouted, tapping her feet.

“Don’t be like that Alice. Edward and I just want to do this on our own; at our own pace. You understand right?” I reasoned. She seemed to ponder it for a moment.

“Yeah I do, but dressed like that; have you no modesty?” she asked. I looked down at my clothes. Nothing seemed out of place. I looked back up at her.

“What’s wrong with the way I’m dressed?” I asked.

“Bell, the outfit is cute, but not the shoes. You should wear the Loubi’s I loaned you.” Alice responded.

“Al, everyone cannot be like you. I’m already clumsy, not to mention extremely pregnant to the point I nearly fall forward. Are you really trying to kill me?” I huffed, crossing my arms defensively over my chest.

“Oops I forgot. But that doesn’t explain why Edward looks like a bum.” She pushed.

“Hey, what did I do? There’s nothing wrong with the way I’m dressed.” He said, pushing his glasses back up his face. His eyes had been irritating him lately so he opted for his glasses today. I made a mental note to make him an appointment with the optometrist.

“Oh pluh-ease.” She grumbled, running her hand through her spiky black hair.

“Alice, is there any purpose behind your little visit? We need to leave soon.” Edward asked, wrapping his arms around me. He rested his head on top of mine.

“Well excuse me, for wanting to shop with my best friend.” Alice whispered, soundly slightly hurt. I let out a small sigh.

“Al, if I agree to let you help with the nursery will you let this go?” I asked. She let out a small squeal before hugging me.

“Ah! Yes, yes, yes! Ooh I have to plan. Bye Edward; Bella.” She beamed, running out the door. I heard Edward let out a small chuckle.

“I swear I think she was dropped on her head as a kid.” He grumbled. I rolled my eyes.

“Ready to go?” I asked. He nodded his head and grabbed his car keys. We both headed out the door ready for the day’s events.

………..

“Maybe we should have brought Alice.”  I grumbled. We had been in Babies R Us for the past four hours. We had nearly two baskets filled with stuff, and we weren’t even halfway through. We had grabbed the few basics: diapers, toys, bottles, pacifiers, steamers, etc.; ordered the cribs and baby carriers, but when it came down to clothes, we were completely lost. I really didn’t feel like waiting to buy clothes, but without knowing their sexes it was going to be difficult.

“How about a few gender neutral colors? Light blue, yellow, and white.” Edward asked and I nodded my head. I looked down to see what he was holding.

“Yeah, but babe pink isn’t exactly gender neutral.” I pointed out. Edward was holding a cute little pink onesie that read “Daddy’s little princess.”

“I know, but wouldn’t this be perfect for our daughter?” he grinned, looking down at it; love beaming in his eyes.

“You don’t even know if we’re having a girl.”

“And? It wouldn’t hurt to get it though.” He pouted. I rolled my eyes.

“Fine. But, the rest have to be gender neutral.” I said sternly, although I had a huge smile on face.  It was so sweet to see Edward enamored with all of this. He was going to be such a good father. We picked up numerous little outfits and was just about to head towards the stroller aisle, when I heard a sickly sweet voice call out from behind us.

“Oh, Edward.” We both turned around.

“Oh sh-, sugar lumps. This wasn’t good. Not good at all.