Chapter 16: Just a little Anxiety

Chapter 16

BPOV

You know what Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry, Jessica Alba, and Angelina Jolie all have in common?

Any guesses? No?

They are aliens! I’m serious.

Okay, maybe I’m not that serious.

Clearly I must have lost my mind, but considering that these four beautiful women managed to go back to the original size they were before they were pregnant and not manage to show a single stretchmark or wrinkle just in time for bikini season was beyond me.

Edward had bought me a couple of these stupid gossip magazines to keep me occupied while he worked on a few things at his office. Most of these magazines prodded and prattled about how sexy and curvy these women were and how amazing it was that they lost the weight quickly.

I know some people lose their baby weight quickly, but why didn’t any of these mags show the curvy mommies? The mommies with a little flub left on them. Some wear and tear. No?

I know they’re out there and yet these mags focused solely on the ones that got that were small and managed to get their figures back. I guess I was on the defense in my own case since I still held on to most of my baby weight.

I threw the cluster of magazines onto the floor beside my bed. I didn’t even know why Edward bothered getting me these magazines, knowing my emotions were all over the place. He just wanted to keep me busy.

It had only been two weeks since I had my babies and I was suffering from a serious bout of separation anxiety.

I thought I could handle being away from them, but I was clearly wrong. Oh so very wrong.

 I felt bad. I even teased Alice when she cried for three hours straight after leaving Max with her mother when she had to return from her maternity leave. Looking back on it now, I realized how stupid I was for laughing at her. Now I was in her shoes.

I guess what they say is true; you never know how it feels until it’s your own babies being left in the NICU.

 After my mandatory 3-4 days of recovery from my C-section, I was discharged and sent home. I wanted to stay there with them, but I knew I had to go home to finish recovering. Edward had to practically drag, well wheel me out, where I continued my crying spree for the next six hours.

I knew I was being overly dramatic, but considering the fact that my stomach was extremely tender, I was tired, my hormones were all over the over the place,  and my babies weren’t leaving with me, I had every right to act the way I wanted.

When we got home, I just relaxed. Edward wouldn’t let me lift a finger to do anything. He wouldn’t even let Jerry who weighed no more than five pounds crawl over onto my lap. Edward was paranoid at first, but it wasn’t like I could do much.

 My stiches were healing nicely, although moving around still hurt like a bitch. Luckily everything I wanted was close by and my family often stopped by to see if I was okay.

I was physically, but mentally, my mind was elsewhere.  The time I did spend visiting my babies, I would just sit and watch them. I would stroke their little fingers and talk to them mindlessly. I memorized every little detail of their faces and their movements.

I still found it odd to think, that Edward and I had created these six little beings; so small and innocent of the world and the things around them. It would forever be ingrained in my mind the memories of their first breaths, their cries, when they first opened their eyes to look at me. Even their little burps and farts, would forever be an addition in my heart.

But even all of those things could compare to when I first held them. Carmen and Kate; the tuplets attending nurses in the NICU, advised us about contact comfort and how it helps most premature babies improve. We would lay them against the bare skin of our chest and the warmth from our touch was enough to help them physically and psychologically.

“Here you go, careful they’re a little fussy today.” Carmen and Kate grinned. She settled a baby in each of our arms. We both opened the gowns to reveal our chests.

I had Gavin and Noah, while Edward held Auden and Brayden against his chest.

Gavin and Noah were fussy at first, but as soon as they both touched my bare chest, they immediately calmed down and snuggled close. Auden and Brayden did the same to Edward. I pressed my lips to the both of their little heads and breathed in the soft floral scent that lingered on their skin. It was just amazing. I swear, if I could just bottle up that scent alone, I would make millions.

I closed my eyes and relished in the moment. It felt like no more than a couple of minutes had passed, when I felt Carmen nudge my shoulder. I looked up at her.

“Is it time already?” I pouted.

“Afraid so sweetie. It’s time for them to get fed and get a fresh diaper.” She smiled.

“Okay.” I sighed. Much to my chagrin, I had to let them go. I kissed both of their foreheads once more, before Carmen came to get them. Much to my amusement it seemed like neither one of my little boys wanted to let me go. Noah was beginning to cry and Gavin had a death grip on a lock of my hair. I pried his fingers off and he let out a small huff of annoyance. I kissed his fingertips, and watched as Carmen just laughed and carried them away.

“Amazing isn’t it? They know it’s you out of hundreds. Your scent and heartbeat alone is enough for them to recognize you.” Edward said, grabbing my hand.

“And I know them. I’d recognize my babies anywhere.” I breathed. He kissed the palm of my hand and began buttoning up his shirt. I motioned to do the same, but stopped when Carmen and Kate came up behind us.

“What are you two doing? I think you guys are forgetting about two other little people. I looked over my shoulder to see them both carrying Ethan and Daniel in their arms.

“I thought they were all being fed?” I asked, quickly unbuttoning my shirt.

“They were. Ethan was already being fed while you and Edward were busy and we waited with Daniel to see if he would latch on again.” Kate smiled, handing over Ethan to Edward, who immediately snuggled against his chest. Carmen came over with Daniel and I pulled down the strap of my sports bra revealing my right breast. At this point, I over the fact that my boob was out, considering it was nothing we all hadn’t seen before, especially in a hospital.

She adjusted him in my arms and positioned his mouth over my nipple, where he immediately latched on and began sucking.

Auden, Ethan, Noah, Brayden, and Gavin were all on a special high calorie formula while our little man Daniel was to be breastfed alongside his own special blend of formula. He was still struggling with his breathing and gaining weight. The babies had managed to gain a couple of ounces over the past week, while he only managed to gain one.  He wasn’t taking well to the various formulas they tried, so breast milk was our next option.

Normally being pregnant, the body’s normal reaction would be to produce a sufficient amount of milk. Since I exceeded that number, my production of milk was through the roof.

Although I heard it was possible to breastfeed multiples, I knew it would be exhausting to even try to feed them all.

They had attempted switching him over to the bottle with formula  while I pumped daily, but he was beginning to dislike it and trying to get him to latch on was our only option left before he got a feeding tube to get his nutrients.

We had tried three times already, but today he seemed content. “Danny” as we began calling him, was sucking contently and his milky blue eyes were looking up at me curiously. He was still small, but I could tell that there was something so much bigger inside of him, waiting to get out.

I looked over at Edward who was mumbling nonsense at Ethan, who was beginning to fall asleep; his blue eyes drifting closed with each passing second. None of the tuplets eye colors had changed from their bluish hue yet, so it was going to be interesting seeing how they turned out.

Edward must have felt my stare on him because he turned his face towards me.

He leaned over.

“How’s my little man?” Edward cooed, stroking his finger down the side of Danny’s face.

“Hungry.” I laughed, switching him over to my other breast. I looked over at Ethan who was sound asleep; his head nestled into the crook of Edward’s neck. Danny looked over at Edward and began gurgling.

“What’s that Danny? What’s my baby boy trying to say?” I laughed, when he passed gas.

“Well I guess that’s your answer.” Edward grinned. Danny finished sucking and I carefully raised him to my shoulder and pulled my bra strap back up.

“Can I burp him?” Edward asked. I nodded my head and we switched babies. I laid Ethan’s head against my shoulder while Edward attempted to burp Daniel. After letting out a satisfactory burp, Carmen and Kate came and retrieved our boys to settle them down for a nap.

Now if that wasn’t the most perfect moment I’ve ever experienced in y life, then I didn’t know what perfect was.

………6LF……..

“Eeek! I’m so excited!” I squealed bouncing on the balls of my feet.

“Relax love, we’re almost there.” Edward said, resting his hand against my shoulder as we walked down the hallway.

“Edward, you’re just excited as I am so hush.” I chastised. He just laughed and I rolled my eyes at his antics. I had every right to be excited. Today I was taking my babies home with me; well at least Auden, Brayden, Ethan, and Gavin were coming home. Noah was struggling with his eyesight and we were slowly but surely bringing up Danny’s weight, but until then, they both had to stay here.

After signing the necessary forms and speaking to Dr. Biers about their health, we were ushered inside where I looked at my little angels. They were all awake, squirming and gurgling happily on their backs. At only 8 weeks of age, I could already see their personalities beginning to shine through.

Edward and I cooed and fussed over Noah and Danny, who were looking up at us with hopeful eyes. It killed me to leave them both here, but they just weren’t ready to come home yet. Noah had a breathing tube attached to his nose and was reaching up and was sucking on his left thumb. I carefully picked him and breathed in his soft baby scent. He was so soft and immediately snuggled against my chest, grabbing a lock of my hair. All the babies had been doing that lately and I wondered if that was their way of saying they recognized me. I did the same with Danny who was gurgling at Edward before putting him down.

We were all set to go home. We had brought the van and had carried up four car seats. Three blue and one pink. The babies had to get one final checkup before they were brought out.

My little girl Auden was the first to be brought out. She was awake and cooing softly, sucking on her thumb.

Edward immediately grabbed her from Kate and kissed her forehead, before settling her into her carrier.

Carmen then came behind her, carrying Brayden and Gavin who were fast asleep in her arms. We each grabbed a baby and carefully strapped them into their seats, cautious not to rustle them.

It was better to let them sleep; it’ll make the drive home much easier.

“So any lingering questions you want to ask us before you leave?” Carmen asked.

“Not really. I mean is there an exact time frame before I can take home Danny and Noah? I want all my babies’ home with me, not just four of them.” I asked. She smiled softly at me.

“What mother does? Noah might come home as soon as we’re sure his eyes are okay.” She replied.

My poor baby boy was suffering from the same eye problem as I was.  Although his eyes still held that newborn shade of blue, his left eye was a significantly darker shade of blue almost bordering on the shade of brown and significantly weaker than the other. Like me, Noah’s eyes were very sensitive to light, which resulted in excessive blinking and his eyes watering like crazy. My mom said I suffered with the same thing as an infant and had to wear special glasses until I was about 2 years old.

“Well we talked to our ophthalmologist Dr. Fields, and he’ll be watching over Noah for the next couple of days to monitor his eyesight, so I assume he’ll be here for another week or so. As for Daniel, or “Danny” as you’re calling him, he might be released as well in the next week or two. He’s finally getting to where we want him to and his breathing is almost back to normal.” Kate added.

“That’s good.” Edward said. Auden let out a soft whimper. He walked over to her carrier.

“Shh, it’s okay pretty girl.” He cooed, and she immediately ceased whimpering. I smiled at the sight of the two of them She was definitely going to be a Daddy’s girl. After talking to them both for a couple of minutes and signing their release papers, we were on our way out.

…………………….

14 days later…

 “Come on sweet girl, burp for daddy.” I cooed to the little girl of my life. Edward was in the process of burping Auden and I was just in awe at the sight of them both. Auden was the only baby up at the moment and for that I was glad.  My other five angels, yes five, were sound asleep in their cribs.

Nicknamed “Audi” by Jacob (Which I nearly killed him for nicknaming my daughter after a car) was beginning to look more like me with each passing day.  Edward swore that he didn’t know if that was a good thing or not, to which I just laughed.

 She had my nose and lips, and although she didn’t have that much hair, the little tuffs that she did have, were thick, brown, and wavy. I was definitely going to have a hard time combing it when she got older. Auden’s eyes were still the newborn shade of blue, so I had no way of knowing whose eyes she was going to take, although I wished she would have Edward’s green ones.

Auden was also quite the daddy’s girl. Over the past couple of days she would fuss and cry until Edward would grab her from her crib where she would immediately cease her crying and look up at him. I guess it was the whole bonding thing and Edward wanting a girl so badly that she just knew. Auden was already his “little angel”. Edward was just beside himself and she looked up at him as if he hung the moon.

I watched as my loving husband, dressed only in a pair of boxers and his reading eyeglasses, patted our little girl’s back, in which she promptly burped and spit up. Right down Edward’s back.

“Looks like she just left you a present.” I laughed. Edward wrinkled his nose in disgust. Auden just cooed in response.

“You’re lucky you’re so cute, or I would totally find this revolting.” He grimaced, kissing her tiny nose before handing her over to me. He quickly got up and walked into the bathroom to clean himself up. I grabbed a soft wash cloth and cleaned her face. I played with her tiny little toes and fingers until she fell into a soft slumber. I had just laid her into her crib when I heard a shrill cry come from the baby monitor.

“I got it.” Edward hollered, bounding down the hallway.  I checked to make sure Auden was sleeping soundly, when Edward came back into the room holding our two disgruntled twin boys Noah and Gavin in each of his arms.

Noah had come home a week ago with the okay from Dr. Fields about his eyes. Since one of his eyes was still weaker than the other, my poor baby had to wear an eye patch over his good eye so that his weaker eye could strengthen. It irritated him dearly, which often resulted with his sorrowful wailing and me in tears.

Edward handed him over to me, while passing me a bottle with his other hand. I still was feeding him breast milk which was helping his weight improve significantly. Gavin was gurgling nonsense in his ear while he grabbed another bottle for him to drink.

Gavin and Noah were just hilarious. I know it hard to believe that their personalities were so evident at just two and a half months of age, but their little temperaments were just too cute not to notice.

Although identical in appearance sans Noah eyes, their personalities were so different yet the same. Both of my boys woke up like clockwork.  When one woke, so did the other, when it came to feedings, if one of my boys was hungry it was only a matter of time before the other cried out to be fed as well.

Gavin was my little hungry man. With each passing day he was growing bigger and bigger. He was such a happy baby, cooing and gurgling the few hours he was awake. He was very quiet and Edward and I constantly checked on him to make sure he was okay.

Noah on the other hand was a completely different story. He was constantly irritated by the eye patch on his eye and made it known that he was not pleased. Noah was very vocal and let everyone know until he got his way.

After feeding the both of them, they fell asleep and our house was silent. Edward opened up his arms and gestured for me to come sit in his lap. I got up and hesitated. I definitely didn’t weigh the same before I got pregnant and worried if I was going to be too heavy.

Edward must have seen the expression on my face because he just rolled his eyes and pulled me onto his lap, tucking my head into the crook of his neck. I sighed and breathed in the fresh scent of soap on his skin.

“Tired love?” he mumbled against the temple of head. I just nodded. We sat there in silence relishing in the silence we did have, when we heard it on the baby monitor. We had 6, each one attached to the side of the crib, to signal which baby needed our attention. This time is was Danny, my “little fighter”.  His soft whimper continued and quickly became a distressed wail.

“I’ll get it.” Edward smiled against my shoulder. He gave me a soft kiss on the lips before heading down the hallway.

I closed my eyes and sighed. Maybe I could get just a little shut eye. I was just beginning to drift off when another baby monitor went off. This time it was Ethan. I yawned and quietly got up.

Duty calls.