Chapter 17: Shit, well Crap Happens

Chapter 17

5 months of age…..

BPOV

I was exhausted.

 It had only been about twelve weeks, but somehow it felt longer. I was grateful to have my babies’ home with me, but I desperately wanted a moment to myself. Between the feedings, the diapers changes, baths, and the constant interruptions from my family, I was about to lose my freaking mind.

 I padded down the stairs and groaned at my appearance as I passed the hallway mirror. My attire had permanently become a ratty button down t-shirt with spit up on it and a pair of holey sweatpants.

Yeah, motherhood definitely came before fashion.

Knowing it was a lost cause, I continued my trek downstairs.

It was reaching two in the morning and the babies and Edward were sound asleep. While I should have been asleep as well, my body just wouldn’t let me.  I only managed to get about four hours of sleep on a good night. My biological clock was out of whack and at this point I was used to being up at extreme hours of the day.

Deciding to get some work done, I dragged the four laundry hampers in the bathroom that was overfilling with clothes. My mom had offered to wash them for me, but she and Gran, my two honorary helpers for the night, were passed out in the guest room.

Careful not to cause any loud noises, since the smallest noise seemed to disturb and wake the whole house, I headed to the washer room and turned the light on.

My eyes quickly adjusted to the sudden brightness of the room and I turned to add the first load in. I swear since the tuplets had been born, the washer and dryer had been getting action nearly every day.

I knew having one baby by itself garnered enough clothing, but multiply that number by six, three of the four hampers were dedicated to the babies filled to the rim with onesies, spit up rags, blankets, sheets, and towels.

I loaded the washer and headed into the living room. I settled down on the couch and practically felt my body melt into the soft cushions.

My body was so tired and I just relished in the quietness. I could feel my body easing into sleep and was almost to the point of return, when I heard the soft whimper that could have only been Danny. He always whimpered first before wailing.

I quickly got up to get him before he woke up his brothers and sister.

When he saw my face his whimpers began to cease. I carefully picked him up and settled him into the crook of my arm, where he immediately began searching for my breast. Danny was a noisy eater and loved to make grunting noises as he ate.

After checking each crib to make sure they were all sleeping soundly, I padded back to the living room where my little man was promptly becoming impatient.

“I know, I know.” I cooed, unbuttoning my shirt so he could latch on. Danny immediately began sucking and started with his grunting noises as usual. I stroked the one small tuff of bronze colored hair on his head as he watched me with curious blue-green eyes. The little swirls of green began showing up about two weeks ago and I just had a feeling that they were going to be Edward’s eyes much to my amusement.

I could feel my body lumbering for sleep, so when he finished, I Just laid back against the couch sideways and laid him against my chest. His tiny head was cradled in the crook of my neck, his tiny hand grasping a tendril of my hair. I began rubbing his tiny back and as soon as I made sure he was comfortable and wasn’t at risk of falling off my chest, I succumbed to my exhaustion.

………….

You know those moments where you feel like your heart is going to pound out of your chest, your breathing is erratic and something pops up to scare the shit out of you, yeah well this is one of these moments.

Imagine my surprise when waking up, that I’m no longer on the couch ,but in my bed ,and that instead of having a sweet smelling baby boy  sound asleep against my chest, I have the kibble and bits smelling dachshund known as Jerry lounging comfortably there. Combine that with the fact that Jerry needs a breath mint; I roll over only to have Liam’s face only mere inches from mine.

“Ahh!” I screamed, flailing my arms wildly, causing me to fall backwards off the bed and unto the floor. Liam burst out laughing.

“Booger, what are you doing on the floor?” He asked amusedly.

“You tell me Li. I want you to wake up with someone’s face inches from yours.” I mumbled sarcastically. He reached out a hand to help me off the floor.

“Oh I do. Remember 6’5, tan skin, kissable plump pink lips usually in his “o” face and…” I cut him off abruptly.

“Eww Li, just ew.” He just shrugged his shoulders.

“Now explain to me why you’re up here in my bed again?” I questioned, laying my head against his shoulder.

“I wanted to check on my baby sis. How are you doing by the way?”

“As good as I can be I guess. I love being a mother, I really do, it’s just that I’m so tired.” I yawned, closing my eyes.

“Oh I can tell. Even with the entire racket I created coming in, you didn’t even stir. Edward even put Danny back to bed and carried you up the stairs and you didn’t even move once. I swear if it weren’t for the fact that you were snoring, I would have thought you were dead.” Liam snickered.

“I do not snore.” I grumbled and opened my eyes abruptly.

“Oh shit, was Danny okay?” I asked, remembering he was sound asleep on my chest.

“Oh yeah he was no problem. Edward had to practically extract his hands from your hair. He didn’t want to let go. I swear, stubborn just like their mother.

“Where is everybody?” I asked. I felt slightly panicked at the lack of commotion I was hearing.

“Downstairs making breakfast. Mom and Gran had a doctor’s appointment to go to so they left about an hour ago to get changed ,but Dad’s off today, so its me, dad, Esme and Edward as your honorary helpers for the time being.” He grinned, kissing my cheek. I smiled and looked up to see him wrinkling his nose at me in distaste.

“What?”

“No offense sis, but you smell like old diapers and spit up. Not a good look at all. Go take a shower.” Liam smirked.

“Well excuse me if I don’t smell like roses. I huffed getting off the bed. I grabbed a few clothes and headed into the bathroom. Just before I closed the door, I heard him holler.

“Trust me; roses don’t even come close to how you’re smelling!”

EPOV

I love my life.

I love my wife, my children, and my family.

I love my friends, my job, my dog, heck at this point; I pretty love everyone and everything.

What I didn’t love was shit and boy if I wasn’t elbow deep in right now.

Bella was going to kill me.

Hours earlier….

“Mmm, Bella.” I grumbled, rolling over onto my stomach. I could smell her scent all around me, but it was faint. Too faint. I reached out my arm and patted her side of the bed.

It was cold.

Knowing I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep without her beside me, I rolled back over and got out of bed.

I looked over at the clock in the room to see that it was just a little after four in the morning. I threw on my glasses and groggily walked into the hallway in just my boxers.

I checked the guest bedroom to see Renee and Gran Marie sound asleep. I then walked over to the nursery to check on my children.

My children, of how I would never get tired of those words.

They were all sound asleep, thank god. Ever since we started adding rice cereal to their bottles, they were sleeping longer at night. I checked each crib and noticed that Danny was the only one missing. He must have been downstairs with Bella.

As I went downstairs, I could hear the washing machine beeping and figured she had started washing clothes. I think Renee was supposed to do it or honestly I could have, instead of Bella.

I swear that woman was going to make herself sick with exhaustion with the way she was going.

I checked to see if she was in the washroom but found it empty. I unloaded the washer and transferred the clothes over to the dryer and put in the nest load. Just like I expected, it was filled with baby goods of all sorts.

I could hear a soft snoring sound coming from the kitchen and the sight before me is just so beautiful that it nearly brings me to my knees.

There lying comfortably on the couch asleep, was my beautiful wife with Danny cradled against her chest. I walked over to get a closer look.

Her long hair was fanned out around her almost acting as a blanker for our son. He had his tiny hand grasped on a strand of her hair, with his little hair cradled into the nook of her neck.

Bella looked so peaceful and natural holding our son in her arms, but even in the darkness, I could see the dark circles under her eyes. I knew she was tired. Heck we all were, but she definitely took the brunt of all of the exhaustion.

I carefully extracted Danny from her arms and much to my amusement but seemed reluctant to let each other go, even in sleep.

I laid him against my chest, and quickly headed back upstairs to lay him down in his crib.

His little body felt so warm against my skin and I could smell the soft powdery scent that I’ve grown accustomed to over the past couple of months.

I kissed Danny’s head before laying him down his crib, where luckily he didn’t stir.

The same could be said for my other baby; he didn’t even make a noise, but a sigh of contentment as I picked her in my arms.

“Edward.” Bella muttered sleepily. She was too cute.

“Yes love?” I asked, as I headed up to our bedroom.

“Love…” she muttered again. I laid her down in our bed and covered her with our comforter. I kissed her forehead.

“Love you too silly girl.” I smiled, laying down behind her, where she rolled over; tangling her legs with my as she laid her head against my shoulder.

“Love…peanut butter…and… pickles.”

Yeah, I guess some things don’t ever change.

……

“Baby Einstein…” Bella muttered in her sleep. I rolled my eyes.

Ironically, you would think that Bella would be too tired to sleep talk, but much to my chagrin, she did and has kept me up for the past two hours mumbling nonsense. First it was about food, then some actor Rob Patson or whatever and now Baby Winstien. I mean I had nothing against that show, but Bella played it constantly in the background claiming it stimulated their minds or some shit, which I found it hard to believe, since they slept most of the day.

My musings were interrupted by my stomach growling loudly. I was starving. Bella didn’t cook as much as she used to and I sure as hell couldn’t without almost burning the house down.

I smelled the faint scent of pancakes and hoped that whoever was downstairs making them made enough for me. Bella was still sleeping soundly, so I decided to let her sleep a little longer. I could hold down the fort for a little bit.

I threw on a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and went to check up on my kids. None of them were in their cribs and figured they were downstairs in their carriers.

I heard the familiar laughter of my mother’s voice and was surprised to see her, Liam, and Charlie sitting in the living room the babies sleeping soundly in each of their swings.

“Hey honey. How’s my baby boy?” My mom grinned, getting up to give me a hug with one arm while holding Gavin in the other.

I made pancakes, they’re on the stove. Help yourself.” She said, not even bothering to look at me as she focused her attention back on Gavin. I rolled my eyes. My mother was just beside herself. Nanny Esme this and Nanny Esme that. In fact she was running Bella crazy with her constant intrusions, but Bella was too sweet to let her know that.

I was just stuffing my mouth with my second serving of pancakes when I see Liam bounce into the room holding Brayden.

“Hey Edward.” Liam grinned and I wrinkled my nose. Something smelled crappy and I wasn’t just talking about impending conversation.

“Hey Liam. I see you’re one of our helpers today.”

“Oh yeah. I figured I’ll spend some time with my niece and nephews. Isn’t that right huh Bray?” Liam smiled at my cooing son who appeared to have a determined look on his face.

“Yeah we need it. Bella’s so tired. She’s going to get sick if she doesn’t take it easy.” I sighed, settling my plate in the sink. I heard my son let out a small grunt and watched as Liam wrinkled his nose.

“Yeah…speaking of Bella, I’m going to go check up on her, so if you don’t mind.” Liam said, quickly shoving Brayden into my arms, who now had a contented expression upon his face.

That’s when I smelt it.

“Good lord! Liam!” I hollered, startling Brayden who began crying.

“Shh, I’m sorry man. Daddy’s sorry.” I cooed, trying not to gag at the horrendous smell. Much to my embarrassment, I can honestly say I never changed a poopy diaper. I tried to avoid it as much as possible. Normal diaper changes were okay, but poopy diapers were a no no.

I began panicking. Bella was asleep, so that was a no go.

“Mom?” I called out.

“Nope son. Liam already came this way; you’re all on your own on this one.” She said. I could hear the amusement in her voice.

“Charlie?”

“Son, it’s the thing all fathers must do. Good luck. I recommend wearing a bio hazard suit, but maybe that’s just me.” He cackled. Bastard.

 Sighing, I knew what I had to do. I had to take one for the team.

“Come on Buddy; let’s get you a clean diaper.” I cooed. He just gurgled in response.

I laid him down on the changing table and once I was sure he wasn’t at risk of falling off, I grabbed a diaper and a couple of wipes.

I undid his onesie and undid his diaper.

Nothing could prepare me for this.

“Jesus Christ!” I gagged. It was like some brown lagoon monster decided to inhabit his diaper, and his poop was its tracks left in the aftermath. Brayden just kept on gurgling like it was nothing.

“Fu-, fudger. How can something so cute put out something so nasty?” I gagged once more. My eyes began watering.

To make matters worse. He still wasn’t finished.

“And it continues. I muttered, and once I was sure he was finished, I tried again. I undid his diaper once more and went to grab a wipe. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw his hand was down there.

“No! Don’t stick your hand there!”

Great, now he had poop on his hands. I quickly wiped his hands and removed the diaper before he could stick his hands back down there. It was everywhere. All over his privates, butt, and legs. On the changing table, his onesie, and on me. I had to focus on the task on hands and not gag in response to the fact that I had shit on me.

I had to use about five wipes just to get him clean and just when I thought it was over, all hell broke loose.

Before I could manage to get a clean diaper on him, something warm began splashing me in a face.

I froze for a moment, until I realized he was peeing all over me and himself. I quickly covered his face from his aim and tried to cover myself to no avail. My shirt was drenched and I even think I got some in my eye.

He began crying.

I stood there in shock with a squirming crying and half naked Brayden when I heard Bella’s voice form the doorway.

“What the hell is going on?” she bellowed.

Damn.

I was in some deep shit.

Literally and Figuratively.